we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
