strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
