The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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