Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
