I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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