I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
