You made me cry and you don't even care
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
