I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
