M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
