omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I checked into jail on foursquare
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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