Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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