my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
