You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
