Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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