Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You need a sexual gate keeper
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
