She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
