I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Even my vagina gasped.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
