It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
