That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
