Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I still have a little drunk in my system
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
