she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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