but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
