I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
