We're facebook friends in real life
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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