I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
