You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
