Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
