my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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