remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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