You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
