I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
