how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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