Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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