And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
