I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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