I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i think my mom watched the whole time
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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