ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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