i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
