is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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