oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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