for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i drank out of a bidet.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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