In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
