when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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