i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
