I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
