drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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