Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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