She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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