We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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