fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Rumble strips road head = magical
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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