What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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